In general, I try to keep these posts from being too personal. While every person borrows from experience in any endeavor they undertake (myself included), I try to avoid issues pertaining directly to myself as it encourages partiality. That being said, I can no longer keep silent on the issue of Christian clichés and the serious harm that they do to Christianity.
Personal tragedy affects all of us at some point. In short, all Christians face war. In the words of Matt Chandler, "Sometimes we are faithful and do exactly what God wants us to do and we get mauled by lions and overrun by armies." Your personal war could be a number of things: death of a relative or close friend, estrangement, divorce, miscarriage, rape, abandonment, drug or alcohol addiction of a relative or close friend, infertility, job loss, etc. An incredibly painful and unnecessary thing that occurs during these storms in our lives are Christian clichés. “All things work together for good.” “Count it all joy.” “Just trust, His ways are higher than our ways.” “He has a perfect plan.” Are all of these true? You bet. Should you say them to someone in mourning? Not a chance and here’s why:
Jesus doesn’t comfort with clichés.
John 11 opens up explaining that Lazarus is sick. His sisters, Martha and Mary, sent word to Christ telling Him that His dear friend was ill. When Christ receives their message, He says, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it." Needless to say, no one understood what He was talking about. In fact, He then purposefully chose to stay away from Lazarus. It was not until two full days later that Jesus announced that Lazarus had already died and it was time to go to Judea.
The first thing Martha did when she heard that Jesus was coming, was to go to meet Him (John 11:20). Does this ring any bells? What is the first thing that any of us do when tragedy meets our lives? Run to Jesus. Martha was doing what any Christian (and many non-Christians) would do, running to the only possible solution she could think of: Christ.
Second, Martha said (paraphrased of course), “Hey Jesus, why didn’t you show up? Lazarus wouldn’t have died if you had been here. You are the only one that could’ve stopped this and You didn’t because You didn’t show up. But Lord, I know You can still do whatever You want.” Again, sound a bit too familiar? What do we say when someone dies or gets hurt or the unthinkable happens? My first words are always, “Hey Jesus, what’s going on? You could have done something, You could have stopped this. Don’t You know what You just allowed to happen? Remember me? Love me? I know You can still fix this, please fix this.”
Jesus tells Martha that Lazarus would rise again, something she didn’t comprehend because she believed He was speaking regarding the resurrection on the final day. Jesus then has Martha call for Mary who comes to Him saying the same thing Martha had moments beforehand, “Jesus, why?”
When Jesus saw Mary weeping, “...He was deeply moved in His Spirit and greatly troubled.” And when He had come to the grave, He did something that we so often fail to do with those who are hurting: Jesus wept. Think of all the things Christ could have said to Martha, Mary, and the mourners, He could have nonchalantly said “Count it all joy when you face trials!” He could have offered to sit down with them for some coffee and stated, “All things work together for good!” He would have been being completely honest with these comments. He also would have been unfeeling, that's why He didn’t say those things. He didn’t offer any trite clichés, He wept. He shared in the pain of His friends. Christ knew how to mourn with those who mourn, do you? Romans 12:15
Personal tragedy affects all of us at some point. In short, all Christians face war. In the words of Matt Chandler, "Sometimes we are faithful and do exactly what God wants us to do and we get mauled by lions and overrun by armies." Your personal war could be a number of things: death of a relative or close friend, estrangement, divorce, miscarriage, rape, abandonment, drug or alcohol addiction of a relative or close friend, infertility, job loss, etc. An incredibly painful and unnecessary thing that occurs during these storms in our lives are Christian clichés. “All things work together for good.” “Count it all joy.” “Just trust, His ways are higher than our ways.” “He has a perfect plan.” Are all of these true? You bet. Should you say them to someone in mourning? Not a chance and here’s why:
Jesus doesn’t comfort with clichés.
John 11 opens up explaining that Lazarus is sick. His sisters, Martha and Mary, sent word to Christ telling Him that His dear friend was ill. When Christ receives their message, He says, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it." Needless to say, no one understood what He was talking about. In fact, He then purposefully chose to stay away from Lazarus. It was not until two full days later that Jesus announced that Lazarus had already died and it was time to go to Judea.
The first thing Martha did when she heard that Jesus was coming, was to go to meet Him (John 11:20). Does this ring any bells? What is the first thing that any of us do when tragedy meets our lives? Run to Jesus. Martha was doing what any Christian (and many non-Christians) would do, running to the only possible solution she could think of: Christ.
Second, Martha said (paraphrased of course), “Hey Jesus, why didn’t you show up? Lazarus wouldn’t have died if you had been here. You are the only one that could’ve stopped this and You didn’t because You didn’t show up. But Lord, I know You can still do whatever You want.” Again, sound a bit too familiar? What do we say when someone dies or gets hurt or the unthinkable happens? My first words are always, “Hey Jesus, what’s going on? You could have done something, You could have stopped this. Don’t You know what You just allowed to happen? Remember me? Love me? I know You can still fix this, please fix this.”
Jesus tells Martha that Lazarus would rise again, something she didn’t comprehend because she believed He was speaking regarding the resurrection on the final day. Jesus then has Martha call for Mary who comes to Him saying the same thing Martha had moments beforehand, “Jesus, why?”
When Jesus saw Mary weeping, “...He was deeply moved in His Spirit and greatly troubled.” And when He had come to the grave, He did something that we so often fail to do with those who are hurting: Jesus wept. Think of all the things Christ could have said to Martha, Mary, and the mourners, He could have nonchalantly said “Count it all joy when you face trials!” He could have offered to sit down with them for some coffee and stated, “All things work together for good!” He would have been being completely honest with these comments. He also would have been unfeeling, that's why He didn’t say those things. He didn’t offer any trite clichés, He wept. He shared in the pain of His friends. Christ knew how to mourn with those who mourn, do you? Romans 12:15
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